INFJs are among the rarest of the sixteen personality types, constituting only 1-3% of the general population. Unlike INTJs, in which males predominate, there is greater gender parity among INFJs, with nearly equal numbers of males and females.
It is difficult to broadly classify INFJs as either right-brained or left-brained since they utilize both sides of the brain with equal adeptness. INFJs are both creative and responsible, artistic and logical, spiritual and scientific, intuitive and analytic.
INFJs grow up feeling “different” from their peers. The more pronounced their Introversion and Intuition, the more estranged they are likely to feel. Young INFJs also feel misunderstood by their elders, who can be quick to ignore or dismiss their precocious insights and observations. If given unsympathetic circumstances, INFJs may come to feel isolated or rejected rather early in life.
INFJs are “old souls.” They grow up feeling far wiser than would be predicted by their chronological age. Some may experience themselves as wiser than their teachers or parents. They may take on the role of counseling and advising their friends and siblings, or even their adult family members, from an extraordinarily young age.
Having discovered the benefits of their Introverted Intuition (Ni) quite early in life, INFJs grow to trust its judgments and insights. Their Ni often works through dreams or premonitions that turn out to be startlingly prescient. While others may at first be skeptical of INFJ’s powers of insight or foresight, many will come to see them as psychic or prophetic, or at least highly perceptive.
Because of their strong powers of intuition, many INFJs report feeling like aliens in the world. One INFJ described her experience as almost a constant feeling of deja vu, since her Ni is constantly foreseeing the future before it unfolds. Other INFJs report feelings of disembodiment, as though their body is independently moving through space while they watch from without. The fact is that many INFJs experience the world and their bodies in radically different ways than other types. It is therefore not uncommon for INFJs or others to question their sanity.
INFJs see two people in everyone. They see the public persona, the outer shell, that everyone else sees. But they don’t stop there. Their Se and Fe functions pick up subtle non-verbal cues which are then synthesized and interpreted by their Ni. This provides them with information about an individual’s inner world that is completely missed by other types. Because of their keen perceptiveness, INFJs are rarely fooled by facades or fakery. They can readily see beyond appearances and apprehend an individual’s deeper motives and intentions, including any underlying ego issues. In fact, INFJs can often see the truth about people more clearly than those people can see it in themselves. It is no wonder that many INFJs can make a decent living by hanging a “Psychic” sign on their front door.
Growing out of their distrust of first-blush appearances, INFJs are reluctant to trust majority opinion. They are often the last to read a bestseller, feeling that if everyone else (i.e., the majority of whom are prone to being fooled by appearances) thinks it is good, it probably is not worth their time. Like INTs, however, INFJs can be suckers for a good conspiracy theory, appealing to their sense that “most things are not what they seem.”
A misconception about INFJs is that because they prefer Feeling they are less likely to be interested in intellectual endeavors. Nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, some of the most intellectually-inclined people I know are INFJs. They rival and resemble INTs in their level of openness and hunger for new ideas and perspectives. In some regards, they may actually eclipse INTs with regard to intellectual openness, readily appreciating both science and literature, fiction and nonfiction, poetry and prose.
While INFJs are deeply theoretical, they are less impressed by theories built by a mere assemblage of facts or data. Rather than being “fact” oriented, INFJs concern themselves with forging new connections and reconciling opposites by way of their Intuition. They feel that everything is somehow connected to everything else, forming a vast and interconnected web. For INFJs, discovering truth involves getting a better handle on the nature of this connectedness and the holographic patterns of the universe. In fact, this happens to be one of the signature strengths of their Ni, which subconsciously processes and synthesizes copious amounts of information, wraps it up in the form of a symbol or metaphor, and proceeds to upload into the INFJ’s consciousness. More than any other type, INFJs tend to feel that much of their intellectual work is being done for them, the product of which can feel like nothing less than a divinely bestowed gift. Consequently,
INFJs do not feel the need to consult outside sources when it comes to discerning truth. They do not feel it necessary to rely on a preexisting method or framework as other types might. They trust their Ni to provide whatever information is necessary to understand a given problem or situation.The inner world of INFJs in many ways resembles the outer world of ENFPs. It is playful, colorful, mischievous, and daring. Because their Ni is dominant rather than auxiliary, INFJs tend to be more subversive in their ideation than ENFJs. Once they begin to develop their tertiary function (Ti), INFJs may become even more open-minded and subversive in their thinking.
INFJs often think by way of images. The visual nature of their minds is germane to their creativity, ingenuity, and ability to generate and wield metaphors. While other types are thinking in words or concepts, INFJs understand through “seeing.” Their Ni functions as a proverbial bridge between the conscious and subconscious mind. And since the subconscious is filled with primitive images, it is no wonder that INFJs swim in a sea of vivid dreams and imagery.
INFJs also tend to be purists and classicists. Many enjoy collecting antiques, historical artifacts, old first edition books, rare art, or anything that satisfies their thirst for what they perceive as pure or classic works. For similar reasons, they may find themselves captivated by a certain period in history, a specific genre of music, or a handpicked selection of actors or writers. In selecting a novel, would far prefer a known classic to a new bestseller. Similarly, if they are going to wear shoes (which according to recent research, most INFJs do), they want the shoes to be of high quality and a classic, rather than trendy style. If selecting artwork for display in their home, they most would opt for an original over a print.
Despite their refined tastes, INFJs are typically not pretentious or excessively serious individuals. They regularly enjoy spending time with other people, listening to music, and watching movies. Perhaps more than anything, INFJs love spending time engrossed in meaningful conversation. Because of their verbosity (see this post) and enjoyment of others’ company, they can easily be mistaken for Extraverts.
Many INFJs struggle with bouts of depression, which may relate to any number of things. They may, for instance, get depressed when they feel their creative inspiration has left them. Or, because of their otherworldliness, they may struggle with feeling deeply alone and misunderstood. Depression may also stem from feeling dissatisfied in their careers or relationships. They may dream of having a beautiful home adorned with beautiful things, but feel stuck in a low-paying job that they are reluctant to quit because of a poor economy.
An Overview of Extraverted Feeling (Fe) in INFJs
Introverted Intuition (Ni) is the dominant function for both INFJs and INTJs. For an overview of its nature and workings, see this post.
Extraverted Feeling (Fe) is INFJs’ auxiliary function. One element of Fe involves meeting others’ needs and maintaining harmony in the external environment. It works to ensure that everyone is getting along and is well taken care of, that everything is running as smoothly and seamlessly as possible.
Fe types (i.e., FJs) focus much of their time and energy on social, moral, or humanitarian concerns, with special concern for their family and closest friends. They are often conceived as self-sacrificing, deferring their own needs for the sake of the collective good. SFJs, in particular, tend to enjoy the role of homemaker, working to ensure their families are healthy and well-supported.
Fe plays a role in perceiving and empathizing with others’ emotions. It helps INFJs intuitively recreate another’s emotion state within themselves. This allows them to know from within what another person is experiencing. This ability to profoundly empathize with others allows INFJs to understand and counsel people more effectively than any other type.
Interestingly, INFJs have a more difficult time when it comes to perceiving and understanding their own emotions. This is due to the fact that their Feeling function is directed outwardly (i.e., extraverted) rather than inwardly. Unlike INFPs, INFJs don’t spend a great deal of time trying to sort out their emotions. Inwardly, they deal in the currency of Intuition (Ni) and Thinking (Ti). Hence, when INFJs find themselves in emotionally taxing circumstances, they often turn to others for support or direction. So while INFJs are extremely gifted at helping others solve their problems, they can have greater difficulty when it comes to navigating their own.
Fe also entails an extraversion of judgment. INFJs utilize their Fe to express their thoughts, feelings, opinions, and grievances. Fe gives form and definition to INFJs’ intuitions. In many cases, INFJs do not know fully understand what their Ni is telling them until they are given the opportunity to verbalize it. They may have a hunch or a gut feeling, but the content of the intuition remains somewhat nebulous until it is expressed via their Fe. Assuming they have not been severely censored in their upbringing or past relationships, INFJs are typically undeterred from extraverting their feelings. As mentioned earlier, they can be highly talkative. If given the opportunity, they will talk at great length on any number of subjects.
INFJs’ Fe can present differently among strangers than it does with their intimates. In larger groups, INFJs can seem cheerier and warmer as part of their attempt to ensure external harmony. Many INFJs have a great sense of humor and can be incredibly funny and engaging. Enlisting their vivid imaginations and knack for metaphor, they can be gifted entertainers and storytellers. In the company of close confidants, however, INFJs use their Fe to be more open and direct with their emotions. Since some INFJs feel like tortured souls, their commentary may take on a characteristically negative tone. They may seem moody, pessimistic, discontented, or restless. They can also seem quite intense in their communication since their words are infused with the emotion of their Fe. Consequently, their expressions may seem exaggerated, dramatic, or irrational, especially to Thinking types. INFJs can also be susceptible to self-pity and self-loathing, seeing themselves as victims. They may curse the fact that life isn’t fair, feeling that they always end up with the short end of the stick. Such negative attitudes are more common among INFJs who are no longer living in the mode of naive idealism, as well as those who have not found a satisfying career or relationship. Despite what may seem a penchant for complaining or forecasting doom, INFJs exemplify what it means to be open and forthright. As one INFJ put it, “I don’t know how not to be honest.” This is why INFJs are constantly championing authenticity, since authentic expression by why of their Fe is their most natural mode of operation.
For INFJs, expressing themselves through their Fe is critical to their psychological and physical health and well-being. Even if doing so does not provide them with immediate solutions to the problem at hand, they tend to feel better once they have expressed their feelings, whether through words or tears. This is especially important for the mates or friends of INFJs to recognize. Namely, INFJs are usually not looking for others to solve their problem, but only to offer support, empathy, and reassurance. Without such an outlet, INFJs can begin to feel isolated and depressed, turning to their inner fantasy world as a means of escape. And while fantasizing may seem helpful in the short-term, it usually makes the real world seem even less tolerable and can exacerbate existing frustrations toward life.
Self (Ni) vs Others (Fe); Truth (Ni) vs Harmony (Fe)
Even if not to the same extent as EFJs, INFJs can be warm, welcoming, and endearing. They genuinely want to please and help others, working to ensure that people are getting along and are well cared for. They tend to be loyal, giving, and self-sacrificing. At the same time, however, INFJs are forward-thinking, goal-oriented, and independent-minded. As Introverts, they need time to themselves to recharge their proverbial batteries. This creates an ongoing, even lifelong, struggle for INFJs. Namely, trying to balance their own needs, values, and desires against those of others.
For example, an INFJ may be asked by a friend or relative to donate money to a cause that she may not truly believe in. This puts the INFJ in a very difficult position, being forced to decide between her own ideas about truth (Ni) and the harmony of the relationship (Fe). Since INFJs can having enormous difficulty saying no, they will often opt to oblige others, even while inwardly regretting doing so.
INFJs may experience similar issues in school. Those who are especially precocious may be disposed to questioning the veracity of what the teacher or other students are saying. They may also feel compelled to criticize what they see as ineffective methods of instruction or discipline. At the same time, however, INFJs want to please the teacher and to maintain external harmony. This again leaves them feeling torn between allegiance to their Ni penchant for truth versus their Fe people-pleasing.
INFJs may also feel that their Fe interferes with their ability to be self-disciplined. An INFJ writer and friend once suggested that her Fe seems to work contrary to her dominant Ni and tertiary Ti. She felt that INTP writers, for instance, can more easily devote time to writing because their top three functions (Ti-Ne-Si) tend to work together in a harmonious and mutually-supportive fashion. INFJs, however, because of their Fe, can find it harder to prioritize their personal ambitions over their relationships.
Because of the strength of their Fe, INFJs need to be careful not to abandon their Ni in the face of outward pressures. Too many outside voices can at times obscure INFJs’ typically clear vision. Since their Ni is their best and most reliable compass for navigating life, when they lost track of it, INFJs will inevitably feel lost, restless, and frustrated. Hence, when making decisions, INFJs are wise to ensure they are listening primarly to their own inner voice.
Introverted Intuition (Ni) & Extraverted Sensing (Se)
In addition to the tug-of-war between their Ni and Fe functions, INFJs also struggle to reconcile their Ni with their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se). While Ni is the most otherworldly, idealistic, and abstract of the functions, Se is arguably the most “worldly” and action-oriented.
As I discuss here, the inferior function opposes the dominant, is largely subconscious, and in many ways has its own agenda. Its needs and values are contrary to those of the dominant function, creating a psychoemotional tug-of-war between the conscious and subconscious mind.
Like other types, INFJs tend to identify most strongly with their top two functions and can be blind to the degree to which their inferior Se impacts choices and behavior. It is therefore imperative that INFJs develop an awareness and understanding of their Se so as to avoid falling victim to its mischievous and insidious antics. We will now consider three ways in which this Ni-Se tug-of-war manifests in INFJs.
1. Perfectionism.
INFJs have a reputation for being the strongest perfectionists of all the personality types. Their perfectionistic bent makes sense in light of their functional stack, with their Ni supplying the vision and their Fe/Se wanting to see it actualized.
To actualize an Ni ideal, INFJs must find a way to translate it into tangible reality (Se). Unfortunately, INFJs commonly find that the idealistic visions spawned in their lush inner landscape may be slow to take root in the rocky soils of reality. The disparity between their inner ideal (Ni) and the challenges of its outward implementation can be deeply disappointing and disheartening for INFJs. Because of the strength of their idealism, many INFJs struggle to feel satisfied with anything less than a perfect replica of their initial vision. What others view as a success, an INFJ may consider an abject failure.
In struggling to reconcile their ideals with the likelihood of a less than perfect outcome, INFJs have two primary options. The first is to act as mere producers of ideals without concerning themselves with their actualization. This option may satisfy their Ni, but often fails to deliver the tangible evidence of outer change (Se) INFJs’ desire. Nonetheless, when faced with the alernative of accepting a less than ideal outcome, many INFJs will settle for this mode of operation, at least for a while. This may be why INFJs go into education, research, or ministry, careers that allow them to generate or convey ideas without immediate concern for their implementation. Writing and other artistic pursuits also provide INFJs with opportunities to express their ideals without concern for their direct application.
The second option for reconciling the ideal with the actual is actively working to implement their ideas while trying to accept something less than perfection. This option may appease their Se desire for a tangible product but can be incredibly frustrating to their Ni idealism. Taking this route also introduces a new set of concerns. Namely, once the Ni ideal has been tarnished, at what point is the Se product no longer “good enough?” This is a question INFJs must constantly face in both their work and relationships. They are forced to grapple with whether their work or relationship is acceptable, or if it is time to cut their losses and start over. If they do opt to call it quits, they will again be faced with their original dilemma of whether they should even bother to dirty their hands in Se affairs.
INFJs are harder on themselves than they are on anyone else. Their Fe makes INFJs more than willing to forgive the offenses and shortcomings of others. But since they see themselves as more insightful and wise when it comes to human behavior, they rarely grant themselves the same degree of grace. They figure that if they are unable to perfectly embody their theories and ideals, then why should they expect anyone else to. And if their ideals have no chance of being actualized, then why even bother? Without the ability to maintain hope in their ideals, INFJs may feel they have no reason for living. This is why it feels so important for them to act perfectly. This notion is well-captured in the words of Jesus: But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” (Luke 12:48, NIV) INFJs know they have been entrusted with much, so they expect much more from themselves than they do from others.
Non-NJ types inevitably have difficulty understanding the degree and intractability of INFJs’ perfectionism. Dominant Thinking types, in particular, struggle to understand why INFJs simply cannot restructure their thoughts in a more rational way (e.g., cognitive-behavioral or rational-emotive approaches) so as to avoid the host of undesirable side-effects of perfectionism. What these individuals fail to understand is that perfectionism does NOT feel like a choice for NFJs, for whom Intuition (Ni) and Feeling (Fe) precede Thinking (Ti) in their functional stack. When INFJs try to reorder their stack, injecting Ti between Ni and Fe, they tend to feel worse. While Ti, as we soon discuss, can be helpful for INFJs to see things more clearly in retrospect, other types should not expect INFJs to always function “rationally” in the moment. INFJs need to first give extraverted form to their intuitions and feelings by way of their Fe without concerning themselves with the degree of rationality (they trust their Intuition to get them close to the truth). Then, with time, the INFJ can work through the issue, including incorporating their Ti, and with any luck, eventually arrive at a place of peace (Se). Problems arise, however, when others do not allow the INFJ to self-express without censorship or pressure to sound entirely rational.
The great degree of pressure INFJs impose on this themselves, combined with a lack of awareness to their own physicality, can make them susceptible to a number of physical ailments that are psychoemotionally driven. In his book, The Mind-Body Prescription, Dr. John Sarno reports that the vast majority of his chronic pain patients are perfectionists with a strong need to be good and to please other people. Sarno believes that the guilt, anger, and frustration associated with perfectionism lies at the root of any number of bodily ailments. According to Sarno, perfectionists commonly suffer from chronic pain, stomach problems, and other health conditions.
In closing this section, I would like to clarify that INFJs’ perfectionism typically does not extend to all facets of their lives. More often than not, it is limited to those areas they really care about. While ESJs tend to be highly concerned with the order of their immediate environment, INFJs tend to be more focused on their own behavior, the quality of their relationships, and the quality of their chosen work.
2. Love-Hate Relationship with the Material World & Conventional Lifestyles
Like INTJs, INFJs have a love-hate relationship with material things. Because of their Se aesthetic bent, INFJs love to be ensconced in beautiful surroundings, be they natural or man-made. They tend to be captivated by the finer things in life, including the allure of affluent lifestyles. Not only do they love the pretty things that money can buy, but also the experiences. INFJs love to travel, to attend the opera or symphony, or to savor a fine meal.
Despite their love for the material treasures and pleasures the world has to offer, INFJs have a commensurate need to discount or downplay the importance of “things” in their lives. After all, INFJs tell themselves that they are supposed to be concerned with the metaphysical (Ni) rather than the physical (Se). They are quick to criticize Sensing types for their materialism while surreptitiously envying them for having it. This tug-of-war between their dominant N and inferior S often surfaces when making decisions about careers or relationships. The INFJ may struggle with choosing a job or partner that promises material security (S) versus one that aligns more closely with their N ideals.
INFJs’ need to see themselves as unique and unconventional also plays into this struggle. Some may balk at the idea of marriage and children, for instance, seeing this as the path for less reflective S types. At the same time, INFJs envy S types who seem happy and generally content with their lot in life. This love-hate relationship is representative of the struggle INFJs have within themselves, the battle between their dominant and inferior function.
In their weaker moments, INFJs can get caught up in the grip of their Se. Like INTJs, even the most responsible INFJs may suddenly throw caution to the wind and turn to thrill seeking. They may turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, extravagant vacations, or shopping binges to indulge their Se. To guard against such extremes of their inferior, INFJs may feel compelled to impose stingent rules on their behavior in attempt to preserve their physical, mental, and/or material well-being.
3. Planning & Controlling (Ni-Fe) vs Letting Go & Embracing the Moment (Se)
From a very young age, INFJs enjoy envisioning and planning things. An INFJ friend of mine apprised me of her childhood propensity for constantly creating games or plays. After birthing her creations, she would enlist her friends as actors while she functioned as the director. Adult INFJs are no different. They love imagining an ideal and formulating plans for its actualization. However, because they are perfectionists and are not as gifted as S types when it comes to acting, the process of actualizing their ideals often produces immense frustration for INFJs.
We previously discussed two options that INFJs might employ in navigating the Ni-Se problem. A third option is for them to live in the moment. Typically this is not a viable option for INFJs until later in their development. Since Se is their inferior function, they must first differentiate and develop their other three functions. INFJs “live in the moment” when they forgo their desire to constantly dream, fantasize, and plan for the future. Instead, they take each new day as it comes, trying to savor it for all it is worth. In doing so, they are not opting for a hedonistic lifestyle. In fact, this may not involve much of a change outer behavior at all. Instead, it involves a shift in perspective. This seems as viable a way as any for INFJs to marry the N and the S. Through a change in perspective (N) they can learn to enjoy the simple pleasures of being and existing (S) that they often ignored or glutted themselves on previously.
As INFJs develop their Se, they begin to see ways their Ni and Se can be at peace with one another. They realize that lasting fulfillment cannot arise from fantasizing about or trying to control the future. Rather than always seeing the world as flawed, problem-ridden, and in need of modification, INFJs, through a shift in perspective, can begin to see the world and its workings as already beautiful. This is not to say that they will no longer make moral judgments, but only that they will be tempered by a degree of acceptance and appreciation for what is (Se). While INFJs are born with a drive to passionately change the world, they can also learn to love the world as it is. They learn to loosen their grip on life, negotiating what can often be a fine balance between embracing and releasing it.
Admittedly, negotiating a treaty between their Ni and Se does not happen overnight. When INFJs first experiment with a “live in the moment” mindset it can often feel insipid and meaningless. They may feel that all their grand dreams and plans have been in vain and they may feel left with what amounts to an overly ordinary sort of existence. This can, and often does, invoke a fear response in INFJs, who are prone to panic in the face of any sign that they might be becoming “ordinary.” Hence, INFJs may spend long periods of time dabbling and experimenting with “living in the moment” before settling on a mode of living that seems to honor and incorporate both their Ni and Se.
